Lost in the white noise.


All of my younger years were full of wasted time staring towards the sun, asking the God I never took the time to know, why me?

I’ve now reached the point in my life that I once thought to be unreachable… I look back to the people who broke me & all I see is forgiveness & gratitude. Forgiveness for my own serenity…& gratitude, for them teaching me exactly what I never want to become. I look back to the days that destroyed me, and I search for the lesson intended, while being completely aware & embracing the fact that it was sent to me, as a gift from above.

All too often, we get carried away by our resistance to feeling through these necessary emotions that are silently working, endlessly, to help keep our growth game strong & mental health development improving at a rapid rate.

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People will tell you not to think about the pain… “don’t worry about it” they’ll say…. “Just get outta your head”. I firmly believe that this mind numbing method will serve absolutely nothing other than to drown us, in a sea of chaos… Lost in the white noise.

Our thoughts control our emotions so if we can manage our thoughts, we can manage our emotions right? Stay with me here… imagine having to manage 1,000,000 screaming children in a small arena…I’m guessing for most, (me included) that this would be a complete disaster. That is exactly what is happening in our head space, only now we’re facing countless thoughts, that our brains have soaked up over the years & they’re running ramped through our heads, completely unmanaged.

It is our sole responsibility to sit down & hear what they have to say… while listening, intently to the white noise in disguise, with understanding, love, & acceptance.

We all inevitably sink, & that’s okay. We’re then left to cope with the loss of our sunken ship, dig through the wreckage… & recycle the splinters of once was… to rebuild the sturdiest of ships… leading us straight towards smooth sailing.

My simple advice to the world, as well as to myself, is to shift directions… Get all up in that beautiful head of yours & mediate the chaos running amuck. Our emotions aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, no matter how much we resist them. So we must map out a plan to figure out how to live next door to these noisy thoughts, together in perfect harmony.

-Amanda Marker

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